Sometimes a journey takes you where you never expected

When I started this blog, I was a mama of three, homeschooling one and struggling to keep my head above water. Then, along the way, I became a mama of four, and added one more to our school. Add some health problems to that and a child that needs a special diet, and things got very complicated. It’s no wonder that I haven’t posted anything in so long.

This past year has been one of big changes. It started when we decided to leave our church in favor of a smaller one. We started attending OneLife, and knew from the moment we walked in that it was the church for us. At the time, it was a 2-year-old church plant, and in the year and a half we’ve been there, we’ve seen it grow in many tangible and intangible ways. It is the tight-knit community that we were looking for.

Our next big change was that we decided to enroll our oldest three kids in public school. And the surprising thing was, as much as I denied that my identity was wrapped up in homeschooling, when it was over, I found that it was after all. I had shelves of school books that I just couldn’t bring myself to sell or put away. I cried when I dropped my oldest off at her class on the first day, because she was the one I had molded and taught for 4 years. Everything she knew was from me. I was letting go.

School has been a good experience for them. Not perfect, but neither was homeschooling. One son was having difficulty learning to read and needed speech therapy. I was worried that there was some sort of disability there. But he has jumped 2 grade levels in reading in the first semester, and I am so proud of him. My kindergartener is learning how to sit still and listen to instructions. I am able to be nurturing mother to him when he comes home, and I can leave the school disciplinarian role to his teacher. Our relationship has improved dramatically. The oldest is in the choir and art club, both of which I was unable to provide at home. All of my kids are able to get ready and get out the door in a timely manner (which was something that really got under my skin before). Of course, they are also learning some “non-academic” things which I would rather they not, but we’re able to walk through it with them in “teaching moments.”

Now I have a little more time to do the things I need to do, and a few of the things I want to do. I am in a much better place because I’m able to get some alone-time during the day. The toddler takes a lot of energy, but she does still take naps, thank goodness! Like I said before, we are just going year by year. We may decide that one or all of the kids need to come home again, but for now, we are happy and thankful for a good local school.

Reverence

I don’t think about reverence often. In fact, I’m usually too busy and harried to think about much at all. I heard a speaker last weekend, Norm Wakefield (www.spiritofelijah.com), and was reminded of the fact that God is RIGHT HERE. He’s not is some far off place, and he’s not even remotely in an other location. He’s here, and only a veil separates us from seeing and hearing him. The veil that was put up in the Fall.

But Jesus, in His sacrifice, tore that veil, literally (in the temple) and spiritually (in our own spirits). Now the Holy Spirit passes freely through that veil, between the earthly realm and the heavenly realm. Heaven is HERE. God is RIGHT BEFORE ME. Think of Stephen as he was being stoned (Acts 7:54-60). The veil was merely pulled back, and he saw what was before him ALL THE TIME.

If that doesn’t inspire reverence, I don’t know what will! As I go about my day, and get caught up in the frustrations of the mundane, God is right before me, waiting to minister to me. I just have to whisper, “Help” and I’m in.

I’m listening to “Let It Rain” right now on Michael W. Smith’s Worship album.

Let it rain, let it rain,
Open the floodgates of heaven….

Only the floodgates aren’t a big door in the sky, but the wall of a dam that is right in front of my face. I will try today to remain in a unwavering attitude of reverence as I run my household. I bet the laundry won’t seem as daunting or the dishes seem so many.

Where this is going

I have led a pretty charmed life. I had (still have) a great, stable family. I didn’t make many bad choices in my growing up years that would have long-lasting effects. I didn’t think I had “issues.”

A backwards look

Because of the long gap between posts, I feel the need to do a little catching up and I’ll try to be quick about it.

Back when I wrote the post in Dec of 06, I knew that I was at the beginning of something big. I just didn’t know what. And I hoped it might be something exciting and fun. It was exciting, all right. But fun, uh, not so much.

I’ve committed the cardinal blog sin

If you look at the date on my last post, you’ll see that it was a year and a half ago. I never even told anyone about my blog. I remember feeling a little worried about what my motives for blogging were, and what people might think if they read my inmost thoughts. It was a “starting line” as the post title says, and I was also a little scared about where the journey would take me (and if it would be pretty!).

I can assure you that while it hasn’t been pretty, my life has changed dramatically since that last entry.

Starting Line

I have been unsatisfied for quite some time. Not unhappy–in fact, I’ve been very happy. But there’s been a nagging something deep within, that this can’t be IT. There has to be more to life than this.