About me

I have started this blog as a journal of my thoughts as I find my deepest longings in life. I wonder if it may be some form of a midlife crisis, but maybe there’s a reason for turning inward during this time in life.

I appear WASP-y on the surface, but deep down you will find that I am very, very different from the stereotype. While I was raised upper-middle class Protestant (although my mother is Orthodox and my father has since converted), I have also lived in poverty and know the desperation that such a huge amount of Americans feel when you have to make tough choices every day, prioritizing your needs because there is never enough to meet them all.

I have always had a desire to help the poor, and the first home my husband and I bought was in a poor community. We were part of the “neighboring” movement (read more about that here), and moved there with others from our church to bring change in our blighted community. A person is extremely motivated to do this when he lives there! We saw some small and large successes, and truly LOVED our community.

We had no idea that the journey God would lead us on would be to experience first-hand some of the challenges that people in poverty face. As my husband’s business took a downturn, due in part to some local economic changes, we found ourselves on many forms of “government assistance,” qualifying for state-sponsored health care, food stamps, WIC and utility weatherization programs in our city. It was humbling and sometimes shameful to accept this kind of help, but we knew that at that time, this was God’s way of providing for our needs. I realized that despite the many opinions of those “taking advantage of the system,” there are also many who truly need these services and are dependent on them to live.

So here I am, after the passing of many “life seasons,” in an affluent community (the “dreaded” suburbs!), homeschooling our children, and realizing that poor and rich are not so different on the inside. Regardless of our external circumstances, we all have inner struggles, doubts about ourselves, and deep places in our souls that crave satisfaction from life. I was surprised to find that many (not all) of those in the rich communities who seem to “have it all,” have a much harder time understanding their faith. I saw in the poor communities, men and women who were forced to rely on God for their most basic needs, and always seeing Him come through. That is the stuff on which faith is built.

What about me, you ask? I’ve been transformed by my life experiences, and I refuse to jump on any bandwagon without thinking deeply about it. I see a movement by parts of the American Christian Church to hide away in its own subculture and to be motivated politically on limited issues. Honestly, I have nothing against someone who has thought deeply through these things and come to those conclusions. That’s what makes America great. I have thought deeply and come to different conclusions, and that’s ok. What I am saddened by is when those in my faith community come to conclusions by a lack of thought and just a follower mentality.

So while I ask you to put aside your stereotypes of me, I will try to put aside my stereotypes of you. Beneath the surface, we all have a soul that speaks to us. I believe that if we all listen, we may come to different conclusions. But at least we’re starting the dialog.